In session, you will rarely hear anything about my personal relationships with partners. I might mention friends and family dynamics and boundaries but avoid conversation about romantic partners. Yet, my divorce was a very defining and life-changing experience. Even this post isn’t about the relationship itself, but about what resulted from the end of an 8-year relationship that up until that point spanned my entire adulthood.
While it was unexpected, it was at the same time not surprising. I had spent all of my adulthood with this person only to be separating a week before our first wedding anniversary. After the shock wore off, I knew I had to make some changes in life so I did everything that the all-knowing they say you’re not supposed to do — all the big life changes.
In a span of four months, I applied and was accepted into a PsyD program, sold my house, and moved from Phoenix to Los Angeles. The only big no-no I didn’t do was get bangs (phew!).
My first year post-divorce was the most transformative and magical year of my life.
It took my ex-husband’s courage to break free of our comfort zone for me to open my eyes and realize that I was living a life that I didn’t even enjoy. Life was easy and by age 27, I was already set on a path where the next milestones outside of my career would be kids. And honestly, by the time I got married I wasn’t even sure if I wanted to have my own children.
It was a scary time as well, as I set out to live on my own for the first time and it would be in a brand new city. Luckily, I had a good friend there that helped me to connect with people who became lifelong friends. They supported me, showed me a whole new world (because Los Angeles basically feels like a different planet), and uplifted me when times were difficult.
I just knew that the moment my ex packed his bags and left our home that I had to change my life. I knew it was time to live out my dreams. I knew it was my opportunity to put myself in uncomfortable situations and face my anxiety. I knew it was time to live the life I wanted to live and to become the person I wanted to be. It was time to put on my big girl pants and step into the unknown because the unexpected had already happened so what else was there really to fear?
Honestly, I took a “fuck it” approach and dived headfirst into the change.
After settling into my new home, I decided I needed to challenge myself in various ways. I entered therapy for the first time and immediately found a therapist in Beverly Hills to help me navigate the feelings I was experiencing. As uncomfortable as it was to connect with my own vulnerability, I wanted to push myself outside of those therapy sessions. I unofficially created a list of ways I wanted to push my own boundaries.
Some of my other challenges included:
- Travel abroad — in that year I traveled to England, Thailand, and Austria as part of short-term study abroad programs.
- Talk to strangers
- Go to yoga regularly
- Dating
- And really just engage in lots of activities alone:
- Concerts
- Beach trip
- Go to the movies
- Take myself to lunch
- Take myself to lunch and NOT distract with a phone or book
- Go to the park
- Become a regular at a coffee shop
First study abroad trip to London 
Solo lunch 
Solo beach trip
Doing things alone was a struggle at first, which was strange because I was quite comfortable with this prior to that relationship. In high school, I would take long drives around town, go on spontaneous road trips, meet strangers, go to concerts, organize events, explore new coffee shops — all on my own.
By the time I was divorced, I found that I had become a stranger to myself and needed to be reintroduced. It went something like this:
“Hi Linda! I’m Linda! I know you are worried about this new life that you are starting but it will be awesome! You will get to live a life that you never thought possible. You will get to see the world and work towards being the best version of yourself! And the best part is that you’re not alone because I’ll always be right here with you every step of the way!”
I am incredibly grateful for the difficult decision that my ex-husband made and I am even more grateful for the courage my 27-year-old self mustered up in order to fully throw myself into a new life with excitement and enthusiasm.
It’s true what they say, that with every ending comes a new beginning.
It took determination and resiliency to see the beauty in the change and create something meaningful from what could have been a very difficult time.
If I had listened to the advice of others around me, I would have been living a life based off their own fears and worries. Sometimes you have to filter out the opinions of others and listen to your intuition. Sometimes you need to do all the things you’re not supposed to do in order to reclaim your life.
