Well, who would have ever imagined that we would be living through a worldwide viral pandemic? I’m not sure if watching all those episodes of The Walking Dead or movies like Contagion, have helped to prepare us or instead caused more fear. I’m not here to tell you how to view or approach this pandemic. I’m not going to pressure you to isolate and stay home, nor to go out and frequent your favorite local establishments. If you want that kind of information, you can visit the website for the Center for Disease Control.
I’m here to talk about anxiety during this time.
I recently saw a post about how the anxiety that everyone is experiencing right now is a glimpse into what it is like to live every day with anxiety. I felt that. The difference is that there is a sense of togetherness at this time, as a large portion of the world is feeling the anxiety about our current health crisis. Meanwhile, you are alone in your daily, generalized anxiety and tend to be left feeling dismissed about your experience.
Whether you deal with anxiety or not, this situation is stirring it up in most of us. I admit that I felt it as well. I started experiencing these little heart flutters that I know to be a sign of some underlying anxiety. So while I was not consciously worrying about COVID-19, scrolling past post after post about it on all social media platforms was starting to crack my calm shell until that anxiety started to seep in. I eventually opted to take a break for the weekend from social media and asked friends and family to limit our talk about it. Just like that, the heart flutters stopped. I chose to check my social media accounts again on Monday, as I use them for work, and what do you think happened? The anxiety crept back in, this time feeling the tension in my shoulders and the doubts bubbling up in my mind.
Maybe it’s because I’m an INFJ, but I feel like I can only keep the protective shield around myself for so long before my own peace starts to get interrupted and colored by the anxiety of those around me. On my drive home today, I was reminded of another time when I felt my inner calm impacted by the fear of those surrounding me. I was listening to KJZZ, as they discussed the virus and how it is influencing behavior changes around the world. The story took them to Israel and all of the holy sites in Jerusalem. The memories came back to me of my week in Jerusalem two years ago.
I was there to study with my favorite professor, Dr. Alfred Längle, for the week. The Existential Analysis Summit that he teaches through the professional, short-term study abroad programs I have frequented tends to take him around the world. That year it was held in the old city of Jerusalem. I love those learning experiences because he always finds a way to tie in the culture of the country we are in with the material in class.
However, this was the most stressful group trip I have ever been on.
There was so much fear felt among the group members for various reasons — worry about the others, worry about their safety because of their identity, worry about food options, worry about cleanliness, worry, worry, worry. Did any of those worries come to fruition? Nope! Were people able to eventually relax and enjoy themselves? Meh, not really.
The fear was infectious.
People were grumpy, intolerant, and poorly communicated their needs and feelings. There was nervous laughter at inappropriate times, public meltdowns, arguments, and adventures cut short.
I think that trip was probably the first time a lot of us in the group had been to the Middle East. And those of us coming from the United States probably entered into this trip with some bias thanks to good ol’ racist slant in the news and out of certain politicians’ mouths. But by the time I went on this trip, I had just come out of my daily anxiety funk. I was back to enjoying the beauty found in each day.
It was easy for the fear of the group to alter the filter of the lens with which I viewed my experiences on that trip, making certain cultural differences feel like potential for danger. Towards the end of the trip, we visited Bethlehem. I never thought I would be saying I’ve been to Palestine — very amazing opportunity. This day trip turned into such a shit show when at least half of the group had a meltdown about changing our plans for the day, which resulted in consensually leaving someone behind. Luckily, that person is a badass that can get herself around any city despite language barriers and she was able to meet us before our return to Jerusalem. The stress of the day made enjoying the moment difficult.
Walking around, looking at all the beautiful Banksy murals and his “hotel” was an experience I looked forward to but felt clouded and rushed by everyone’s discontent with the day.
Until hearing this news story the other day, I had forgotten what it was like to have my inner calm and peace disrupted by someone else’s fear. This isn’t meant to invalidate the fear and worry about our current state of affairs. I am just finding this experience to be absolutely exhausting. To include my thoughts and opinions about this matter would just add to the nonstop, unhelpful noise about it.
I am here to encourage you to practice mindfulness — notice how you are physically and emotionally feeling; limit your media exposure; be present and find beauty in small moments like when your coffee is brewing or when you go out to grab the mail. The practice of mindfulness pulls you out of the swirl of thoughts about the past or worst-case scenarios of the future. Mindfulness trains your brain to be in the right here, right now, at this very moment and to release the moment that just passed. Panic and fear keep your body at an unnecessary heightened state of fight-or-flight. Mindfulness and working to relax the body will help signal to your lizard brain that it can go back to sleep because you aren’t currently in danger.
Don’t allow fear and panic to take over your day. Find the beauty in each moment. I’m wishing healthy bodies, healthy minds, and joyful spirits for each and every one of you.
When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.
Viktor Frankl
