This week has been exhausting and at time of writing, it’s only Tuesday. This weekend was the real culprit. Unfortunately, it’s not even for some fun reason filled with wild stories. I wrote a short blurb about this as my Instagram post because I had to share my frustration with the universe and how I was coping.
Synchronicity has me emotionally exhausted.
I spent the weekend facing a specific theme that has been a struggle for me — with several reminders in a very short span of time. Like SEVERAL reminders…within 24 hours. At this point, I feel like I could nap for a week.
Honestly, I love synchronicity. I love how it grounds me back into the moment. It makes me pay attention to what’s happening around me and how I am feeling about those events. In the past, it has provided me with reminders of beautiful times from the past. My favorite memory of this is returning from my first trip to Vienna with a specific song in mind that really encompassed the experience and the moment I got back in my car in the US, that song came on the radio. For the record, that song was released 12 years earlier.
The theory is that moments of synchronicity mean that you are on the right path.
The meaningful coincidences that I experienced this weekend definitely held an important message for me. They were a reminder of where I’ve been, how far I’ve come, and highlighted my opportunity for growth.
One of these moments from the weekend brought me much anxiety. It was a level of anxiety I hadn’t felt in quite sometime…possibly in years. This type of anxiety attack, for me, feels like getting thrashed by a tidal wave. My body shakes, I have trouble focusing, my heart suddenly becomes the loudest sound in the room, my breath is shallow, and the train of negative “what if” thoughts departs the station heading towards an unknown destination.
Luckily, these moments of anxiety don’t last too long anymore. I’ve learned to create distance from the emotion and the negative thinking. I can recognize the physical manifestations of my wave of anxiety and can breathe through them, without latching onto what they mean or wonder about how long they will last.
But feeling it as strongly as I did caught me by surprise.
I had a choice to make. I could escape the situation and find solace somewhere else, far away from it. Or I could stay. I could stay and face the potential of those worst-case scenarios running through my head. I could stay and ride the wave of physical discomfort that comes with anxiety, knowing that it wouldn’t last forever.
I chose to stay and face that fear that had been looming in the back of my mind for years. It was a situation I imagined plenty of times but never really expected to happen. Guess what? I made it! The moment I chose to stay, the anxiety started to subside. I allowed myself the space to recognize my experience and have compassion for myself. I took deep breaths and outreached to my closest allies. I had been waiting for a friend, so I gave her a long hug when she arrived. After talking with her a bit about the situation and how I was feeling, I felt the anxiety wash right out of me.
I was able to continue with my day just fine. I was able to face my trigger and felt really positive about the experience. I learned that all those negative beliefs I held about myself — that I wouldn’t be able to handle it or that the situation would indicate something negative about me — weren’t true.
Instead, I was left feeling filled with confidence and self-love.
Had I chosen to escape, my anxiety would be even worse the next time I would have encountered a situation like that. That’s the thing about anxiety, it’s a stubborn jerk. We avoid (safe) situations that trigger anxiety because the physical manifestations can feel so overwhelming and those negative thoughts are blaring in your head, saying things like, “DANGER, THIS WILL NEVER END.” It’s a truly, terrible feeling. And when you are regularly dealing with this, it leaves your defenses low due to the physical exhaustion of it all. But the more we avoid those situations, the more fuel we feed to that anxiety fire. I use the metaphor of sweeping it under the rug. The more you sweep those feelings under the rug to not face them, the more that pile under the rug grows until you can’t help but trip over it each time you walk by.
I feel very grateful for this recent situation. It ended up being a very healing experience.
My key tips for what was most helpful for me:
- Reaching out to others — being vulnerable about my experience with them
- Deep breathing through it — focusing on my breath to distract from the whirl of negative thoughts and slow them down
- Observing the feeling versus sitting in it — being able to create distance by thinking, “I recognize that I am feeling anxious right now” vs “I am anxious”
- Making the conscious decision to face my fear
I hope the next time that anxiety strikes, you are able to put these tips into practice. The confidence built in facing small, safe anxiety-provoking situations is helpful to then be able to conquer the bigger triggers.
As for me, I will take these notes from the universe and turn within to further learn from these moments of synchronicity (and anxiety). I will continue to meditate on their significance and be open to a new path of healing and beauty. I will continue to approach my experiences with curiosity and learn more about myself in the process.
