That’s kind of how it goes right? We say people should accept themselves for who they are, regardless of looks, backgrounds, beliefs, etc. Except we think the same should not apply to us.
“Body positivity for all! But I can’t eat dessert because I really need to lose 10lbs.”
“It’s okay to ask for help and go to therapy! But I don’t need that because I can just handle my stuff on my own.”
“That person rocks their grey hair so well! But I could never let my grey hair show.”
I’m terrible at coming up with examples but you get the point.
Generally, I think people are trying hard to break down some previously held negative beliefs that rule how we view ourselves and how we live life. While we can have the compassion, understanding, and patience for others, we don’t always provide ourselves with the same.
Instead, we continue to “should” ourselves and add unnecessary pressure that keeps us feeling down. I have definitely been guilty of this in the past and continue to be mindful of catching those “shoulds” early.
I started to feel that “it’s okay for everyone but me” creep up with my last blog and corresponding Instagram posts. I thought, it’s okay for people to post when they are anxious or depressed but not me because I’m a therapist. While I’m a therapist by trade, I’m also a human that experiences normal human emotions — but does anyone want to know that their therapist is a human?
I started to spiral into an anxious wormhole when I re-posted my “The Universe is a dick” Instagram post on my new Therapy Girl Facebook page. If you look, you will notice that it doesn’t exist on there because I quickly deleted it. The audience is different from my Instagram to my Facebook profile. I’ve had my IG account for years and have posted things like “fuck anxiety” without worry. But my Facebook page is filled with former colleagues, mental health professionals, and friends of friends. They don’t know that I sometimes lean into “vulgar” language to express genuine feelings about life.
So I deleted the post.
Fear of judgment and of being ostracized influenced my decision to not present my authentic self on Facebook. Honestly, this fear is fueled by my desire to be liked. I want to be liked and trusted enough for other Latinx therapists to want to engage with me, as I create a space for us to gather, network, and see how we can create positive influence in the Latinx community from a mental health perspective.
Since I was a teen, I have always been a go-getter. Despite my emo disposition and extreme introvertedness (did I just make up a word?), I would go above and beyond to create positive change around me. I think that’s something that deserves its own blog post someday. I didn’t plan to tap back into that energy now, but the idea of a Latinx Therapists Networking group organically came to me. So now that I’m here, it’s finding how to present my authentic self to potential/current clients, as well as other mental health professionals with whom I wish to connect.
I previously made the decision that while I am mindful of the things I post online that the general public can see; I accept that not everyone may like it. I acknowledge my online presence may influence someone’s decision to work with me. I figure, that at least it’s a way for both of us to determine if we are a good fit. My authenticity and approach to life, which I often write about online, may influence the type of clients I see and I am completely okay with that. But to think that my writing — aka thoughts, beliefs >> aka my SELF– may keep other mental health professionals from wanting to connect with me feels kind of scary.
That’s really where all of this “it’s okay for everyone but me” comes from — our desire to fit in, or at least not stick out like a sore thumb.
If you have learned anything about me in these posts so far, then you’ve probably learned that I don’t like to let fear hold me back. And that’s my mission with this blog — to be honest in the experiences that I share in the hope of encouraging others in their ability to make positive change in their lives. So I’m writing this post as a promise to you and most importantly to myself, to not censor myself out of fear. I promise to only edit myself out of thoughtfulness. If I am telling others to set their fears aside, then I am determined to continue to do the same.
So in true ME fashion — I’m saying, FUCK FEAR.
Just like I applaud others for their ability to break past societal norms and expectations, I will allow myself to do the same. I commit myself to approaching life from a genuine desire to create the life I want and not the life I think I should have. How would you like to stop “should-ing” all over yourself?
